Monday, November 12, 2007

first fruit of the wfmu record fair

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

WFMU RECORD FAIR: In Dutch "de het buigen gier is onderaan" translates roughly to "the crouching vulture is underneath".

The good finds at the WFMU Record Fair are now being snagged by "record vultures" willing to "get dirty" and target difficult-to-reach boxes stowed far underneath the dealers' banquet tables. The vultures posses ever more flexibility and endurance and this allows them to outlast opponents, giving them the opportunity to score that righteous booty of vinyl. Today vultures work their "core" muscles daily - lots of stability ball exercises / light bike work in the weeks leading up the event. (15 to 20 minutes of stability ball crunches per day are recommended) I learned this the hard way - I began hunting for this hard-to-reach vinyl, forcing my aged and crippled body into crouched, hunched, hunkered, stooped, scrunched and bowed positions. But quickly I wore down - my mind to jelly and my hamstrings to mush. Once long ago, just five minutes into a bent up position under the dealers' table, I was bumped by a passing baby stroller - I collapsed grabbing the back of my knee in pain, and the only record I could snag: James Taylor's 'Never Die Young'. (Here's a side note to all you rookie vultures who are entirely self satisfied with the crap you scored at the last WFMU fair: feel free to stop reading now. Behind your backs, we're all hoping you continue trolling thru the $15 bins, using your corpse-like fingers to snag vinyl from the conveniently labeled "Deep Soul" and "Jazz" boxes. Shit, you're making it easy for the rest of us. Fuck, we love that you are lazy: Mething out / drinking Red Stripe and trying to get with your second cousin by spinning Ryan Adams for the one millionth time. Stop trying to short circuit all our friendly criticism. You only get half-hearted chuckles from your stoner cronies; you wait patiently until three in the morning to spin your rookie purchases. Did you really buy "Learning Swedish" on vinyl (45s)? And FIRST TIMERs you don't really want to dick with the truth underneath the banquet tables, because it might actually shake some tiny strands of little meat from the bones of your pathetic life. By all means, if you like The Food Emporium, shop at The Food Emporium. Just own it and enjoy stroking your "man pussy" all night long) Today's vultures need just the basics in music knowledge: know the difference between Firehose and Firehouse, be somewhat versed in RUN-DMC, and know good Bowie from bad Bowie. And going forward the vulture will have to own even more tightly-trained hamstrings, hulking thighs and a sublimely flexible lower back to get his. Because the easy-to-find records are always gone. The dealers might give us a tepid reshuffles once in a while. The tasty morsels are shoved a hell's half acre underneath the table, practically out of man's reach. So if you are not willing to hunker down like a minor league catcher step aside. I even plan to start my training two weeks earlier next time.